look out for the book about living with grandma,
"My roomie and me"
My Grandma is the most loving, hating, caring, careless, compassionate, cold, patriotic, and hysterical little-old-spic-lady to ever live.
She grew up in Colombia, but came to the U.S. to raise her 5 children in a tiny house in Astoria, Queens, NY.
She's known nothing other than hard work and frugality her entire life, and as a result, she's the cheapest SOB on on earth.
Her sense of humor is so terrible and inappropriate that she hides her humor from everyone except for the few people she trusts.
Which brings me to another point; Grandma trusts NO ONE.
Everyone is out to get her, everyone wants her money, and everyone wants to steal from her.
It's her, against the world.
Her perspective on life and the world has been formulated by 60 years of hustling 26 different jobs in New York City, raising five kids practically by herself because her husband was an asshole, and the Telemundo TV show, "Caso Cerrado." It's the hispanic "Judge Judy", and frequently features the scum of the Earth (All in Miami) arguing over who-fucked-who's brother, son, daughter, mom, dog, goat etc.
Grandma gives me life advice on everything from Puerto Ricans, gays, STD's, women, relationships, drugs, to parenting, and anything else that comes to mind. She loves to talk, and loves to teach, so living with a naive little boy like me is a real treat for her.
Grandma comes to me on a daily basis to tell me about the disgusting things that the people on that show do to each other, and each time she prefaces her daily dose of Caso Cerrado with,
"Donny, you don't believe"
"What now Grandma?"
Once she has my attention she continues,
"Dese are berrrry terrible people. De man, de father, makeh sex to de daughta" She throws her hands up and says "Can you believe?"
She continues to tell me the story, I act interested, she acts disgusted, and then goes back to watching the show.
Her world view is now shaped by scumbag drug dealing, adultering, lying, stealing, sex changing, Cubans, Puerto Ricans, and Domincans, (All of whom she claims to hate) and she frequently makes assumptions about my life and my friends, based on that stupid show.
It makes for great entertainment and I'm really glad she watches it.
This part of my website is dedicated to showing the world how hilarious and awesome my grandma is.
As with any of my stories, everything here is intended for mature audiences who have a wonderfully terrible sense of humor.
She grew up in Colombia, but came to the U.S. to raise her 5 children in a tiny house in Astoria, Queens, NY.
She's known nothing other than hard work and frugality her entire life, and as a result, she's the cheapest SOB on on earth.
Her sense of humor is so terrible and inappropriate that she hides her humor from everyone except for the few people she trusts.
Which brings me to another point; Grandma trusts NO ONE.
Everyone is out to get her, everyone wants her money, and everyone wants to steal from her.
It's her, against the world.
Her perspective on life and the world has been formulated by 60 years of hustling 26 different jobs in New York City, raising five kids practically by herself because her husband was an asshole, and the Telemundo TV show, "Caso Cerrado." It's the hispanic "Judge Judy", and frequently features the scum of the Earth (All in Miami) arguing over who-fucked-who's brother, son, daughter, mom, dog, goat etc.
Grandma gives me life advice on everything from Puerto Ricans, gays, STD's, women, relationships, drugs, to parenting, and anything else that comes to mind. She loves to talk, and loves to teach, so living with a naive little boy like me is a real treat for her.
Grandma comes to me on a daily basis to tell me about the disgusting things that the people on that show do to each other, and each time she prefaces her daily dose of Caso Cerrado with,
"Donny, you don't believe"
"What now Grandma?"
Once she has my attention she continues,
"Dese are berrrry terrible people. De man, de father, makeh sex to de daughta" She throws her hands up and says "Can you believe?"
She continues to tell me the story, I act interested, she acts disgusted, and then goes back to watching the show.
Her world view is now shaped by scumbag drug dealing, adultering, lying, stealing, sex changing, Cubans, Puerto Ricans, and Domincans, (All of whom she claims to hate) and she frequently makes assumptions about my life and my friends, based on that stupid show.
It makes for great entertainment and I'm really glad she watches it.
This part of my website is dedicated to showing the world how hilarious and awesome my grandma is.
As with any of my stories, everything here is intended for mature audiences who have a wonderfully terrible sense of humor.