Equal opportunity hater
"De beautiful women are bery dangerous…… bring around all kinds of diseases"
Dangerous, Beautiful women.
A few months ago I came home from work and had my usual chat with my roommate (my grandma) as I was unpacking my lunch container in the kitchen.
When I come home grandma is always excited to talk. She lives with a man that she hates (her husband, and no its not cute hate, its real hate), and she doesn’t get any good conversation throughout the day. So when I get home from work she has someone she can laugh with.
She started off the conversation, “How your day was?”
“It was great” I responded, “very busy. I had school up north, then met with one of my teachers who sells real estate, then I went to work downtown, then to the gym for 2 hours”
Her eyes grew wide “Oh my Gah, you like eh crazy person”
“Im just busy grandma you know me”
“Yes I know. “ She nodded in agreement. “Always busy. Always to here, to there, back and forth, back and forth” She used her hands to emphasize my back and forth movement all over San Diego.
“Yep, every day”
“Oh forget it” She waved her hand at me as if to say “You crazy guy”
“Oh by the way grandma, tomorrow night I’m having a girl come over, I’m going to cook dinner for her”
She lowered her head and smirked “I no surprised. You like a doggy”
I laughed, “Nooooo, grandma its not like that, (Meaning this isn’t some slut I just wanted to bang) plus its been a while”
She waved her hand again “Please, you no lie to me” She thought for a second, then curiously asked “What she do?”
“She’s in school to be a doctor”
Grandma was almost accepting of this, “What kind of doctor?”
“I don’t know, I don’t think she knows yet.”
She shrugged and mumbled “You a doggy” as she turned around, with a wave of her hand.
I laughed again “No grandma, you don’t understand, this girl is BEAUTIFUL and very sweet, and smart. She’s also-----“
Grandma turned around quickly and got very serious. She dropped her head and looked me right in the eyes
“Donny, you listen to me. De beautiful women are bery dangerous. You gotta be careful. Dey bring around all kinds of diseases. You don’t know who got it. Until is too late.”
I began hysterically laughing, she was not amused. She continued,
“No really, I no joke with you. Dese days de women makeh de sex with everybody.”
She made a fist with each hand and rubbed them together, obviously simulating the act of sex. She moved her hands to the left, and simulated sex.
“De womens make like dis over here”
Then she moved her hands to the right, simulated sex with them, and said,
“Then dey make de sex over here,” she brought her hands back to the left,
“then here, and forget it.” She threw her hands up in despair. “Den you use my bathroom and give to me de diseases”
I finished another minute of violent laughter, caught my breath, and said with a bright red face.
“Ok, how about this? I promise I won’t use your bathroom ever again, Ill only use grandpas. Then only he’ll get a disease.”
She began laughing hysterically. Then she looked at grandpa, who was sitting in his chair, and did an impression of grandpa itching his crotch and wincing in pain.
Grandma almost had an asthma attack laughing at her own joke. She bent over as if she was gasping for air, it sounded like she had emphysema. She held up a high five, then said
“Oh shit, you bad” and walked away, still laughing, and shaking her head.
This is why we make good roommates.
Dangerous, Beautiful women.
A few months ago I came home from work and had my usual chat with my roommate (my grandma) as I was unpacking my lunch container in the kitchen.
When I come home grandma is always excited to talk. She lives with a man that she hates (her husband, and no its not cute hate, its real hate), and she doesn’t get any good conversation throughout the day. So when I get home from work she has someone she can laugh with.
She started off the conversation, “How your day was?”
“It was great” I responded, “very busy. I had school up north, then met with one of my teachers who sells real estate, then I went to work downtown, then to the gym for 2 hours”
Her eyes grew wide “Oh my Gah, you like eh crazy person”
“Im just busy grandma you know me”
“Yes I know. “ She nodded in agreement. “Always busy. Always to here, to there, back and forth, back and forth” She used her hands to emphasize my back and forth movement all over San Diego.
“Yep, every day”
“Oh forget it” She waved her hand at me as if to say “You crazy guy”
“Oh by the way grandma, tomorrow night I’m having a girl come over, I’m going to cook dinner for her”
She lowered her head and smirked “I no surprised. You like a doggy”
I laughed, “Nooooo, grandma its not like that, (Meaning this isn’t some slut I just wanted to bang) plus its been a while”
She waved her hand again “Please, you no lie to me” She thought for a second, then curiously asked “What she do?”
“She’s in school to be a doctor”
Grandma was almost accepting of this, “What kind of doctor?”
“I don’t know, I don’t think she knows yet.”
She shrugged and mumbled “You a doggy” as she turned around, with a wave of her hand.
I laughed again “No grandma, you don’t understand, this girl is BEAUTIFUL and very sweet, and smart. She’s also-----“
Grandma turned around quickly and got very serious. She dropped her head and looked me right in the eyes
“Donny, you listen to me. De beautiful women are bery dangerous. You gotta be careful. Dey bring around all kinds of diseases. You don’t know who got it. Until is too late.”
I began hysterically laughing, she was not amused. She continued,
“No really, I no joke with you. Dese days de women makeh de sex with everybody.”
She made a fist with each hand and rubbed them together, obviously simulating the act of sex. She moved her hands to the left, and simulated sex.
“De womens make like dis over here”
Then she moved her hands to the right, simulated sex with them, and said,
“Then dey make de sex over here,” she brought her hands back to the left,
“then here, and forget it.” She threw her hands up in despair. “Den you use my bathroom and give to me de diseases”
I finished another minute of violent laughter, caught my breath, and said with a bright red face.
“Ok, how about this? I promise I won’t use your bathroom ever again, Ill only use grandpas. Then only he’ll get a disease.”
She began laughing hysterically. Then she looked at grandpa, who was sitting in his chair, and did an impression of grandpa itching his crotch and wincing in pain.
Grandma almost had an asthma attack laughing at her own joke. She bent over as if she was gasping for air, it sounded like she had emphysema. She held up a high five, then said
“Oh shit, you bad” and walked away, still laughing, and shaking her head.
This is why we make good roommates.