Solid American Patriot
Grandma, on Illegal Immigration
Grandma was on the couch watching the news. There were protests by Mexicans all over San Diego about immigration reform.
News reporters were interviewing a Mexican girl who looked to be about 25, who had graduated from San Diego State despite being an illegal immigrant, from illegal immigrant parents, and not paying a dime in taxes until she was 19, and never paid a dime in tuition thanks to government grants. She was arguing that every person has a right to an education, and had a right to be a citizen. I was trying to ignore it to avoid having a really bad day.
I really didn't think Grandma understood what was going on, so I didn't bother initiating conversation. I began putting away my breakfast in the kitchen when Grandma walked up to me very slowly, hanging on to the counter for balance as she walked over. She took a deep breathe, and spoke very calm.
"Donny. Lemme ask you something."
"Sure what's up?"
"Okay," she always prefaced a speech with that word, "How dese people can be so stupid?"
"Who?"
"Dese Mexicans on de TV. How dey think they can get everything for free?"
I big smile grew on my face, I knew exactly where this was going.
"I don't know. Just stupid people I guess"
She looked at me angrily, and she continued,
"Tell me Donny, how dese people should get anything when dey don't pay their fuck-you taxes? Tell me! How dey expect the government to make anything for anyone? They think de money grow on de trees?"
I began laughing. I wished that a whole lot of my friends were with me at that moment to bear witness to greatness.
"Its not funny Donny. You know how much fuck-you money I pay to de government in taxes? Iss a lot. Iss really disgusting dese people. Dey want to become de citizen." She nodded her head sarcastically. "Yeah, ok, you want to be an American. De fuck-you Mexicans, de fuck-you Cubans, de fuck-you Dominicans. Ok, good. You can do everything I do to become a citizen." She held her hand out and began counting on her fingers. "You can pay de money to get de visa, you can pay de taxes to de government, you can take de tests, you can wait in line like everyone else, like me and my five children do." She paused, then said "Chit." (Means "shit")
"New York city is filled with de illegals. Get many thousands of dollars of free money from de government. She held her hands up and shrugged. "Of course, why not?" Then she turned to walk away. She had not taken two steps before she turned back to me with more passion and anger. Her face cringed as she spoke "De lazyy people just want to take take take." She used her hands to pretend that she was taking something from my pockets. She got into my face,
"Let me tell you something Donny. I never in my life take de handout from de government. I work in de factory, I clean apartments in Manhattan, I take care of de old people, I nanny for de children. I do anything i can to make money for my family. I never once buy de McDonalds for my children. I cook de chicken and vegetables with my own two hands." She held her crooked, arthritic hands up in front of her face for me to see.
"And dese fuck-you peoples want de free education, de free food, de free money, de free citizenship. NO, dats de bullshit! How does our country know who dese people is? Huh? How we know if dey de criminals? Look at Miami! Filled with de drogas and de prostitutions. Of course, de Cuban criminals just come right in. Of course." She shrugged and walked away. She walked over to the TV stand and grabbed a small American flag. She stared at it like it was sacred.
"You see dis Donny. Look ah dis. Dis is what I work for my whole life. For my country. So my children can have de good life, and dey children, and dey children too, in dis country." She put the flag down gently and stared at it for a few seconds before shrugging again, and then putting her hands on her hips. She walked back to the couch and sat down.
"I dunno Donny. For how long can we give de free money? How long?" She stared at a blank TV screen and pondered that horrible thought in silence.
After I finished wiping the proud tears off my face, an enormous balloon of happiness and love and pride filled up in my stomach.
Grandma was on the couch watching the news. There were protests by Mexicans all over San Diego about immigration reform.
News reporters were interviewing a Mexican girl who looked to be about 25, who had graduated from San Diego State despite being an illegal immigrant, from illegal immigrant parents, and not paying a dime in taxes until she was 19, and never paid a dime in tuition thanks to government grants. She was arguing that every person has a right to an education, and had a right to be a citizen. I was trying to ignore it to avoid having a really bad day.
I really didn't think Grandma understood what was going on, so I didn't bother initiating conversation. I began putting away my breakfast in the kitchen when Grandma walked up to me very slowly, hanging on to the counter for balance as she walked over. She took a deep breathe, and spoke very calm.
"Donny. Lemme ask you something."
"Sure what's up?"
"Okay," she always prefaced a speech with that word, "How dese people can be so stupid?"
"Who?"
"Dese Mexicans on de TV. How dey think they can get everything for free?"
I big smile grew on my face, I knew exactly where this was going.
"I don't know. Just stupid people I guess"
She looked at me angrily, and she continued,
"Tell me Donny, how dese people should get anything when dey don't pay their fuck-you taxes? Tell me! How dey expect the government to make anything for anyone? They think de money grow on de trees?"
I began laughing. I wished that a whole lot of my friends were with me at that moment to bear witness to greatness.
"Its not funny Donny. You know how much fuck-you money I pay to de government in taxes? Iss a lot. Iss really disgusting dese people. Dey want to become de citizen." She nodded her head sarcastically. "Yeah, ok, you want to be an American. De fuck-you Mexicans, de fuck-you Cubans, de fuck-you Dominicans. Ok, good. You can do everything I do to become a citizen." She held her hand out and began counting on her fingers. "You can pay de money to get de visa, you can pay de taxes to de government, you can take de tests, you can wait in line like everyone else, like me and my five children do." She paused, then said "Chit." (Means "shit")
"New York city is filled with de illegals. Get many thousands of dollars of free money from de government. She held her hands up and shrugged. "Of course, why not?" Then she turned to walk away. She had not taken two steps before she turned back to me with more passion and anger. Her face cringed as she spoke "De lazyy people just want to take take take." She used her hands to pretend that she was taking something from my pockets. She got into my face,
"Let me tell you something Donny. I never in my life take de handout from de government. I work in de factory, I clean apartments in Manhattan, I take care of de old people, I nanny for de children. I do anything i can to make money for my family. I never once buy de McDonalds for my children. I cook de chicken and vegetables with my own two hands." She held her crooked, arthritic hands up in front of her face for me to see.
"And dese fuck-you peoples want de free education, de free food, de free money, de free citizenship. NO, dats de bullshit! How does our country know who dese people is? Huh? How we know if dey de criminals? Look at Miami! Filled with de drogas and de prostitutions. Of course, de Cuban criminals just come right in. Of course." She shrugged and walked away. She walked over to the TV stand and grabbed a small American flag. She stared at it like it was sacred.
"You see dis Donny. Look ah dis. Dis is what I work for my whole life. For my country. So my children can have de good life, and dey children, and dey children too, in dis country." She put the flag down gently and stared at it for a few seconds before shrugging again, and then putting her hands on her hips. She walked back to the couch and sat down.
"I dunno Donny. For how long can we give de free money? How long?" She stared at a blank TV screen and pondered that horrible thought in silence.
After I finished wiping the proud tears off my face, an enormous balloon of happiness and love and pride filled up in my stomach.
Grandma, on Killing terrorists
Grandma sat on the couch watching the news.
The news was about the Boston bombers getting caught and tried. I noticed it as I walked by the TV.
Grandma got up and started yelling.
“Donny, can you believe?”
“What grandma?”
“De terrorists. From Boston. You remember? de bombs and de people running?"
"Yes I remember, during the Boston marathon"
"Das right. Dey get put in de jails. Dey get a good trial” She waved her hand at the screen in disgust.
“I know dey get de BEST lawyers, and de best food, and de best room in de jails.”
She stood up, and she got more angry and passionate as she spoke.
“Why dey do dat? Why dey spend my money like dat? Dey spend my, and you tax money on de terrorists." She shook her head.
"Dis is really digusting. De terrorists should get a bullet to de brain. Das it. Cost maybe" She thought about it for a quick second, "50 cents. Das it. No more money we should spend on dese animals. Just one bullet, right here, like dis” She pointed to the center of her forehead, indicating exactly where the bullet should go.
She tapped her forehead and said over and over,
“Right here, right here, like dis. Just like dis. Dis is what dey get”
I smiled from ear to ear. Without ever having one conversation about it, she had taken the words right out of my mouth.
She understood my life's philosophies, and she articulated them simply and succinctly. All I wanted to do at that moment was give grandma a big hug, and then let her watch me kill a terrorist with a bullet to the brain. I knew it would make her incredibly happy to see that.
She would probably jump with joy.
I felt like a cat who wanted to bring a dead mouse home and show it to its owner like a prize.
This is why we get along.
Grandma sat on the couch watching the news.
The news was about the Boston bombers getting caught and tried. I noticed it as I walked by the TV.
Grandma got up and started yelling.
“Donny, can you believe?”
“What grandma?”
“De terrorists. From Boston. You remember? de bombs and de people running?"
"Yes I remember, during the Boston marathon"
"Das right. Dey get put in de jails. Dey get a good trial” She waved her hand at the screen in disgust.
“I know dey get de BEST lawyers, and de best food, and de best room in de jails.”
She stood up, and she got more angry and passionate as she spoke.
“Why dey do dat? Why dey spend my money like dat? Dey spend my, and you tax money on de terrorists." She shook her head.
"Dis is really digusting. De terrorists should get a bullet to de brain. Das it. Cost maybe" She thought about it for a quick second, "50 cents. Das it. No more money we should spend on dese animals. Just one bullet, right here, like dis” She pointed to the center of her forehead, indicating exactly where the bullet should go.
She tapped her forehead and said over and over,
“Right here, right here, like dis. Just like dis. Dis is what dey get”
I smiled from ear to ear. Without ever having one conversation about it, she had taken the words right out of my mouth.
She understood my life's philosophies, and she articulated them simply and succinctly. All I wanted to do at that moment was give grandma a big hug, and then let her watch me kill a terrorist with a bullet to the brain. I knew it would make her incredibly happy to see that.
She would probably jump with joy.
I felt like a cat who wanted to bring a dead mouse home and show it to its owner like a prize.
This is why we get along.