To date, every single one of my stories has evoked at least a little bit of laughter from the reader. According to many readers, the laughter subsequently led to defecation. I assume by the responses I have received from readers that my stories are good; but few people have read them. This is a problem. I need more people to read my shit.
The largest barrier to a greater audience has been the fact that nobody fucking reads anymore! Everyone has so much shit coming at them on their phones, facebooks, twitters, instagrams, Tinders, emails, text messages, advertisements; that no one has any attention span beyond 3 seconds of visual stimulation. At least, nobody 30 years old and under.
Since 30 and under is my target market, this is bad.
To get over this obstacle, I have decided to record all of my stories into mp3 format. (Thanks for the idea Rusty) You can download them, play them in your car, while you workout, take a shit, or while you're pretending to listen to your girlfriend/boyfriend.
After you play it, feel free to pass the mp3 files around to anyone and everyone, the more you share, the better.
The sooner my stuff gets into the right hands, the sooner I'll make a lot of money selling books, and the sooner I'll start making videos based on the stories, and anything else that is hilarious, offensive, and inappropriate.
Here's the first Audio Story, please comment when you're done listening.
“With the two attention whores gone, I felt like I was finally the Alpha Male of the all-black hookah bar. I stood up, walked confidently over to the bar and poured myself a tall, plastic cup of water. Then I walked back to my seat, sat down, and sipped it like a badass.”
One Saturday night in January, with my old Marine buddy Justin in town for the week, I had an unexpected cultural experience.
After leaving a club in downtown San Diego at 2AM in desperate search of food and water, Justin came across his kryptonite. Big Black Women.
I must admit, I like big black women too, and if I were to make a generalization about them, I’d have to say that in general, they have the funniest and wittiest female personalities in the United States. But they’re not my kryptonite.
With all alcohol-serving establishments closed, the only clubs left open were hookah bars that didn’t serve booze. This hookah bar was called Casablanca. It was far more eclectic and transient than Humphrey Bogart’s old watering hole; hosting a crowd that was 90 percent black, 9 percent Mexican, and 1 percent white. Justin and I represented the one percent.
The largest barrier to a greater audience has been the fact that nobody fucking reads anymore! Everyone has so much shit coming at them on their phones, facebooks, twitters, instagrams, Tinders, emails, text messages, advertisements; that no one has any attention span beyond 3 seconds of visual stimulation. At least, nobody 30 years old and under.
Since 30 and under is my target market, this is bad.
To get over this obstacle, I have decided to record all of my stories into mp3 format. (Thanks for the idea Rusty) You can download them, play them in your car, while you workout, take a shit, or while you're pretending to listen to your girlfriend/boyfriend.
After you play it, feel free to pass the mp3 files around to anyone and everyone, the more you share, the better.
The sooner my stuff gets into the right hands, the sooner I'll make a lot of money selling books, and the sooner I'll start making videos based on the stories, and anything else that is hilarious, offensive, and inappropriate.
Here's the first Audio Story, please comment when you're done listening.
“With the two attention whores gone, I felt like I was finally the Alpha Male of the all-black hookah bar. I stood up, walked confidently over to the bar and poured myself a tall, plastic cup of water. Then I walked back to my seat, sat down, and sipped it like a badass.”
One Saturday night in January, with my old Marine buddy Justin in town for the week, I had an unexpected cultural experience.
After leaving a club in downtown San Diego at 2AM in desperate search of food and water, Justin came across his kryptonite. Big Black Women.
I must admit, I like big black women too, and if I were to make a generalization about them, I’d have to say that in general, they have the funniest and wittiest female personalities in the United States. But they’re not my kryptonite.
With all alcohol-serving establishments closed, the only clubs left open were hookah bars that didn’t serve booze. This hookah bar was called Casablanca. It was far more eclectic and transient than Humphrey Bogart’s old watering hole; hosting a crowd that was 90 percent black, 9 percent Mexican, and 1 percent white. Justin and I represented the one percent.
alpha_male.mp3 |