When I was in The Basic School Colonel Smith recommended that we read the book "3 Cups of Tea" in order to understand the Afghan culture prior to deploying there. I did read it, and once I was in Afghanistan I was glad I did, because I had 3 cups of tea with the Afghan Army Company Commander, Major Jalwal, every day.
We sipped tea and spoke about the patrols that his soldiers did that day, he would come up with excuses for why they didn't patrol in the most dangerous areas, I would pretend to care, I'd wink at one of his chai-boys hoping to catch an OTP-HJ, and then I'd eat as much rice as I could before leaving their patrol base. It was nice. Unfortunately, I never got the chance to have 3 cups of tea with the Taliban. If God had given me the opportunity, I would have gotten at least 3 knife kills, I would have used one of their mouths as my urinal, and made an ear necklace, in addition to politely supping my 3 cups of tea. So, this photo shoot is about what I wish I could have done, and I'd like your input. I'm going to have myself a little tea and ear party with at least 3 dead Taliban in a dungeon. This will likely take place in the abandoned Griffith Park Zoo, in LA. Just imagine a cross between an Afghan Shura, and the movie "Weekend at Bernie's," with me in a cheerful and lighthearted mood, and my pinky held out as I sip my chai tea. And if you don't want to comment, then EMAIL me your ideas to make these photos even better. If you don't like dark humor, it's because you're a pussy. First Lieutenant Curtis, the first female to graduate Infantry Officer Course, is currently on legal hold and under investigation for lying about her penis for the duration of her time in the Marine Corps. Lt. Curtis declined comment.
According to the Commanding Officer of Infantry Officer Course, the first female Marine to graduate the coveted school was discovered to have a penis by one of her peers. Lt. Johnson, a prior enlisted grunt since 2004, and the peer who made the disocvery, was more than willing to comment on record. “I’ve been trying fuck her, er uh, him, since we were in TBS. I figured she was just playin’ hard to get, ‘cause everybody knows wookies are DTF. At our graduation party we were all shitcanned, and she, or uh, he, outdrank everybody. Whatever the fuck it is, that thing can drink. Anyways, I finally got its pants off in my barracks room and almost got hit in the face by a big fuckin’ dick. I literally had a Pattaya flashback. I mean that thing was really big.” Most of Lt. Curtis’ peers were indifferent to the news. One unnamed peer commented, “she was actually a badass. I mean, I never even once looked at her like a woman, she was just that solid. I’m actually not surprised she had a dick.” The CO of the secretive Infantry Officer Course was astonished by the news. “How it got through female Officer Candidate School without that big dick floppin around during last minute PT showers is beyond me. I mean that kinda’ deception’s gotta be worth at least a NAM. It fooled MEPPS, OCS, TBS, and hell, it would have fooled all of us if Johnson wasn’t such a damn horndog.” Lieutenant Johnson reached back out to us for comment “I just wanna say on record that was pretty much the biggest fuckin’ dick I’ve ever seen, and not to sound gay or anything, but when you spend 11 years in the Infantry, you see a lot of fuckin dicks.” There is still speculation amongst investigators as to whether or not Lt. Curtis is actually a man, or if she’s just a woman with a penis. The school CO was asked to comment on Lt. Curtis’ gender, “A hermaphrodite!? Fuck no. That’s a fuckin’ MAN. Look, there’s a reason that 26 of the most physically fit women in the Marine Corps have failed out of this course. That reason is simple; when you put 120 pounds on a woman’s back, they crumble like a fuckin’ crouton. But that Lt. Curtis, that thing could hump like only a man could. Shit, I hate to see him go, but after all this bullshit he could never stand in front of a grunt platoon. Damn shame if you ask me…. Big dick though.” Questions have been raised as to how this deception was able to continue for so long. The CO of TECOM could not be reached for comment. POG Major who supports women in the Infantry
Some dickhead Aviation Logistics Major wrote an article for women in the Infantry. Here was my response. Major Carpenter, If you were a grunt you would have earned the right to write so arrogantly about the Marine Infantry. However, you are an aviation logistician, which means you know NOTHING about the Marine Corps that the world envisions when they see our emblem. The Marine Corps that is filled with blown up bodies, burnt flesh, blood, fear, explosions so close you go deaf, liquified Marines in MRAPs, body parts stuffed into backpacks for the rest of the patrol home, dead friends, mounds of dead enemy bodies underneath the boots of hysterically laughing Marines, the best men you have ever known, the biggest pieces-of-shit you've ever known being dragged along by the best, good friends who become addicted to the VA's painkillers and then kill themselves a few years after they return home from nasty combat, and the most intense, grotesque, and inhumane aspects of humanity. Marine Infantrymen in combat, who are hunting other men, are the most primitive form of man that humanity has ever known. They behave like wild, aggressive, psychotic animals. They behave in a manner that the rest of the civilian, and as you've made clear, POG, world will never understand. No order from the Commandant will ever tell young men, who are hunting other men, NOT to be filthy, disgusting, horny, aggressive, happily homicidal, primitive, animals. If you are proud of the fact that the Marine Corps will crush any other military in the world, then just accept that the guys who are actually doing the crushing, are filthy fucking animals. Let the animals be animals. When the animals come out of their cage, they will kill everything, and our country likes it that way. Marine Corps history is filled with enemies who feared us because we behaved like ruthless animals. Let us not forget why we're so goddamn good at what we do. It's not because of brilliant leadership, its not because of modern weaponry, technology, nor strategy and tactics. It is because the Marine Infantry is a bunch of wild fucking animals who become depressed when they are not killing other human beings. No one outside will ever understand what it means to get depressed when you're not killing people. That is our reality, Major. How does that make you feel? Are you depressed as you sit behind your desk right now because your not watching bad guys die? Are you depressed because you don't have 100 lbs on your back and 15 of the best men on Earth beside you as you raid an HVT's house in some third-world shit hole? If you are willing to throw women into the pack of wolves that is the Marine Infantry, it means you either don’t understand the Infantry, or you truly despise women, and the Infantry. Aside from the fact that when you put 120 pounds on a woman’s back (with little food/sleep/water and lots of stress), they crumble like a stale crouton and lose the ability to have children; aside from the fact that grunts in combat are so disgustingly horny they try fuck every single female in sight, goats and chickens included; aside from the fact that a woman’s pheromones do not improve a man’s ability to KILL OTHER MEN; aside from the fact that the most effective way to stay awake while you're on post is to pull your dick out and jerk off as you stand behind your machine gun; aside from the fact that a man who just watched his friends blow up, got revenge by maiming some Taliban and watched them bleed out as they begged for help, and has been surviving on dip and RipIt's for a week; is clinically fucking insane; aside from all that.... The Male gender's role, since the earliest beginnings of life, is to PROTECT the women and the children. Therefore, putting women in the Infantry, into the most horrific scene of humanity, doesn’t make biological, anthropological, nor sociological sense. Our government will not allow us to drive without a seatbelt nor ride a bike without a helmet. Why? Because the government wants to protect us from our own stupidity and laziness. So what's the big deal if the government tries to protect women from their own ego? If women really want to serve in the Infantry, than they can have THEIR OWN ALL FEMALE INFANTRY. The male Infantry would have much more respect for the idea of a female infantry if they were all volunteering to be led by and surrounded by ONLY women. But the reality is, these women want to "prove" that they can hack it, they want to tell their family and friends that they're a grunt, the Female Infantry Officers will of course be on magazine covers, writing articles, and doing talk shows, and when they get to combat, they will crumble under the weight of their own packs and hormones, and the men will step in to save them; as good men have been doing since the beginning of time. More men will die, because women bitched and complained and got Title 9 to pertain to the Marine Infantry. Because ignorant fools who didn't understand what war is really like, tried to make war; politically correct, all-inclusive, and compassionate. War has no compassion, if you can't grasp that concept, don't listen to me, instead go visit a bunch of Marines who got maimed in combat, and ask them their thoughts on women in the Infantry. In conclusion Major Carpenter, since the day you joined the Marine Corps your job has been to support the Infantry, I thank you for your support, and I kindly ask that you continue to support the Infantry, and our ability to mercilessly slaughter every enemy we ever face, by helping to keep women the fuck out. Don't forget to wear your seatbelt Major. Love and kisses, Captain Donny O'Malley I only posted this to put a smile on my fellow grunts' faces. Don't bother responding if you never served in the Infantry, your comments will be deleted. (Ain't nobody got time fa dat) May God Bless America, and the Marine Corps Infantry http://www.donnyomalley.com/war-stories.html
“My masseuse was not the slightest bit attractive, although it’s hard to say for sure. Every guy knows that for 10 minutes after jerking off, nothing in the world is attractive. All sexual objectivity normally assumed by women is gone, and they are reduced to being actual people; with feelings, hopes, dreams, and families who love them. So who knows, my masseuse could have been hot, I just wasn’t in a position to judge.” Desperation can make a person do incredible things. Incredibly stupid things, incredibly sad things, incredibly terrible things, and incredibly shameful things. When I get desperate, I am capable of everything. This is a tale of one Marine's desperation as he headed into combat, with a loaded gun. The Road to War March 1, 2012 Manas Air Force Base, Kyrgyzstan Getting from the United States to Afghanistan was borderline unbearable. First, we boarded onto a miserable Delta 747 and, as expected, I got screwed with the aisle seat in first class. The flight was an arduous 18 hours, and I was only able to get good sleep for 14 of them. For the few minutes that I was awake, I was very disappointed with the movie selection on my personal television. Additionally, on every single one of the six meals we were served, my fucking bread was cold. This was not the glamorous way I expected to head into combat, but I was a Marine, and I could handle anything. So I walked out of first class, where they didn’t serve us booze, and exited the airplane in Kyrgyzstan. click here to continue reading....To date, every single one of my stories has evoked at least a little bit of laughter from the reader. According to many readers, the laughter subsequently led to defecation. I assume by the responses I have received from readers that my stories are good; but few people have read them. This is a problem. I need more people to read my shit. The largest barrier to a greater audience has been the fact that nobody fucking reads anymore! Everyone has so much shit coming at them on their phones, facebooks, twitters, instagrams, Tinders, emails, text messages, advertisements; that no one has any attention span beyond 3 seconds of visual stimulation. At least, nobody 30 years old and under. Since 30 and under is my target market, this is bad. To get over this obstacle, I have decided to record all of my stories into mp3 format. (Thanks for the idea Rusty) You can download them, play them in your car, while you workout, take a shit, or while you're pretending to listen to your girlfriend/boyfriend. After you play it, feel free to pass the mp3 files around to anyone and everyone, the more you share, the better. The sooner my stuff gets into the right hands, the sooner I'll make a lot of money selling books, and the sooner I'll start making videos based on the stories, and anything else that is hilarious, offensive, and inappropriate. Here's the first Audio Story, please comment when you're done listening. “With the two attention whores gone, I felt like I was finally the Alpha Male of the all-black hookah bar. I stood up, walked confidently over to the bar and poured myself a tall, plastic cup of water. Then I walked back to my seat, sat down, and sipped it like a badass.” One Saturday night in January, with my old Marine buddy Justin in town for the week, I had an unexpected cultural experience. After leaving a club in downtown San Diego at 2AM in desperate search of food and water, Justin came across his kryptonite. Big Black Women. I must admit, I like big black women too, and if I were to make a generalization about them, I’d have to say that in general, they have the funniest and wittiest female personalities in the United States. But they’re not my kryptonite. With all alcohol-serving establishments closed, the only clubs left open were hookah bars that didn’t serve booze. This hookah bar was called Casablanca. It was far more eclectic and transient than Humphrey Bogart’s old watering hole; hosting a crowd that was 90 percent black, 9 percent Mexican, and 1 percent white. Justin and I represented the one percent.
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